CRP-c reactive protein, a little hiccup that I noticed on my hospital records, but was told "All your levels were off because of the stroke." They didn't bother to do another test to see if it was normal. Now, 11 months later, a medical doctor who has gone into alternative medicine asks me if I know what CRP, or c reactive (I finish the phrase for him) protein is? I go on to tell him about my initial thought, and that my level was 19 compared to .2 or less in normal, healthy people. God bless the doctors who saved my life, but let's also hear it for the doctor who may have found a symptom. Now we'll wait and see about the treatment.

A part of my brain is dead. A 1x2x1 inch section deep in the left hemisphere. I never noticed it before. I don't miss it now. I'm sure it controls some vital function that I will come to regret not having but for now. . . well, I don't have a temper anymore. I never got sad that I had a stroke. I feel happier now than I was before. I don't mean this in a "Oh, I am so happy to be here I could never be sad again" way. It's not that deep. I just mean that my brain somehow feels happier. I don't understand it yet, but maybe one day I'll do some research.

My stroke

So, I woke up in the hospital not knowing what had happened, but I remember thinking . . . what was I thinking. I guess I wasn't thinking. I was just trying to go through the motions and hoped that it would come to me. I didn't even think that there was anything really wrong with me. My Mom, and Carl, and Joe, and my Dad were all there but I am not sure (in my fragmented mind) when or how each person came to pass through my room. I was aware of my knee surgery, but that was five or six months prior, and I came to be aware of my stroke. I called it "striked" but everyone knew what I was going for. But, even with the realization of a stroke, I didn't think that there was anything to worry about. So I couldn't move around properly, or eat (for a very short while), or use the bathroom, or raise my hand, or smile, or even speak like I wanted, I could sleep, and that is IMPORTANT! I'd sleep when I was watching TV and that was good because at least I could change the channel in my dreams. They weren't really dreams, more like almost dreams. You know, that space between dreaming and wakefulness where everything is just fine. That's when I'd change the channel.